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FIRST EDITION

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Library of congress Cataloging-in-Publication data
Qasim, Mohammad.
Emotional Maturity/ Mohammad Qasim. –
1st ed.
p.cm.
ISBN 978-0-00-000000-0
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Dedicated to God (Allah) for his bounty and Mercy upon me and making me an instrument of happiness, joy, and prosperity for many of the people on earth. Although stay on earth is short but it is a wonderful experience in itself.

Disclaimer:
Although the book is written with hundreds of rules and examples of understanding life and its challenges for achieving a successful and nourishing lifestyle, however the material presented is for knowledge and entertainment purposes. The book is not an advisory manual, and neither the legal advice or manual of lifestyle changes. The author, the publisher and distributor hereby releases itself from any and all legal and personal liabilities which may occur in the life of an individual or an organization due to the rules presented in this manual. If you are needed with legal, financial, social, health or any advice in a particular nature, you may consult a professional licensed to provide assistance in such nature. The opinion and advice presented in the book may not reflect the ideology of the publisher. It is the work of fiction and should be considered as such.


Preface
The work presented in this book is a collection, which took many years of my youth and adult life. In the beginning, I used to read for time pass, fun and for just the sake of reading but with the passage of time it occurred to me that reading was just not enough rather I have to benefit from it. At that moment, everything changed and I started to learn from stories, newspapers, books, and whatever came to my cognition. Similarly, everyone reads but there are a handful of selected people who know how to collect pearls from the sea of knowledge. In reality, these are the pearls of wisdom collected to benefit the reader of this diary. One could say that it is simple work while in reality it is the extract of human wisdom simplified and presented here. Each of the reading can be worth of the prize of the King Solomon’s mines, therefore analyze situations surrounding your environment, then read the diary and you will find the way to make best of the decision benefitting you with thousand time the price of this book. It is the reality that everyone is faced with challenges, needs, urges, fantasies, and wants but only few of the people on the planet are able to harness the these situations into best of the fulfillment. Then there are many, who read and forget the benefits and lessons presented and do it just for the sake of reading but not being knowledgeable of benefits.
The Wisdom series is the third book containing two hundred and fifty wise readings collected and presented in this volume. Each of these readings is an extract of centuries of the wisdom of the wizards of the yesteryears. It is still valid and will be until the end of time. All one needs to do is apply them in life and in times of stress and difficulty. There is a variety of subjects, which one will find here. There was a suggestion from some reviewers that these should be categorized and placed into each as a separate chapter but I mainly disagree because the charm and the suspense of finding the proper advice will lose its appeal because each of the proverbs is a concrete truth about the Wisdom or the experience described in each work.
The experience and deciphering of each can take different and unique meaning as one experience it by reading and analyzing it. Therefore, I put it to the reader to seek and search for answers and solutions from the six hundred forty four quotes and proverbs presented here. I am sure that the reader will be delighted to browse through the entire book where he will arrive to discover new frontiers. I am also leaving the last page of the book empty with the hoping that the reader will be able to write his own experiences knowing that he also possesses wisdom and knowledge, which can be beneficial for many people in his circle.
The original works where these proverbs have been collected exist in many languages and therefore the material in your hands is cross-cultural but still effective because it deals with human psychology and nature. Human nature and universal laws are the same and they work like a system never failing or deviating from their directed path.
As you apply these universal truths in your life, please do not forget to drop a line and share your experiences. I pray all your experiences shall be positive and beneficial as well as productive.

  1. Understanding humans as emotional creatures.
  2. The burden of yesterday’s unnecessary weight carried by the majority. Example of two monks in Japan.
  3. You should know that a fool can respond to insults, can defend and offend others, and can do the tongue unleashing but only an emotionally mature individual will have the power of restraints.
  4. People have their own circumstances to fight and work with.
  5. Each human being is burdened with hundreds of problems and issues.
  6. He/ she may not be as strong in their dealings as a psychologist to handle people, he/ she may be worst in handling inner and internal problems with people.
  7. Every individual has a character built with positives and negatives. In order to work with them and benefit from their worthiness, you will need to ignore their weaker side and negatives; else, you will lose complete cooperation.
  8. Keep your goals and “what you want” from that individual in focus. It should not matter to you what they do in their private life and time.
  9. Don’t judge, just try to understand.
  10. Learn the art of making a deal.
  11. Maintain honor and respect at all costs with others in disregard of their emotional ignorance, tongue unleashed, negative looks, personality traits, and whatever else may it be.
  12. Remember of focusing on the goal post and not fighting with the path stones, obstacles, winds, heat, emotional challenges, etc.
  13. Forget the yesterday as it went away, embrace the future starting with now.
  14. Makeup with yesterday’s errors and mistakes.
  15. Only people can give you what you are seeking, if you did not care, they will care for you. So, build a healthy exchange policy- try to give more than what you do take or expecting from them.
  16. Do not nag, bicker, and complain.
  17. Little people fight, big people negotiate- try to negotiate a deal with friends, bosses, spouses, and children and everyone you want something from.
  18. Remember, find out what they need, and or are looking for. Then evaluate if you can provide for their needs or wants.
  19. Address others with respectful titles.
  20. Rewards produce better results than the threats and punishments.
  21. Use empathy (walk in other’s shoes).
  22. Look good- find out what is your uniform as per indicating who you are as a person, professional, and skills and education-wise.
  23. Communicate slowly and make sure others understand what your words and statements are.
  24. Everyone wants a compliment- make sure you have one for everyone you deal with.
  25. How important you feel, is that what you want to be and who you are. Girls post pictures of movie stars on their Facebook, they dream of being these celebrities in their desires and even they may feel they look like them. Fashion designers know this and they use it all the time. They show important figures wearing a brand that depicts a personality, so the buyer could imagine being that individual, being in that class, and the social status.
  26. People struggle with feelings of importance. How important they are.
  27. Why are people on drugs- insane and mad? They wanted to become important but did not know how? However, you are in the right place, you will become important when you complete this seminar course.
  28. Build the quality to arouse enthusiasm and not the fear in others.
  29. Notice other’s work, comment, and appreciate different actions, ribbons, gifts, flowers, cards, and a host of actions.
  30. Wife and woman issue- lack of attention and appreciation makes them not desired any longer and they try to run away.
  31. What needs to be improved or changed in a person- ask them to write it down and share with you with their ideas what they think needs improving. Here tell them you want them as the way they are and understand the power of good words and appreciation.
  32. Food for the happiness of the soul is appreciation and kind words- not sympathy.
  33. Nourish self-esteem of your employees and family members.
  34. Distinguish between flattery and hollow appreciation. Be genuine- think about others and their positive points- that is not cheap praise or false flattery. Do not use words out of this world, use exactly what these genuine qualities are in that person but missed by others.
  35. Nothing pleases children more than their parent’s approval and praises.
  36. All people are hungry for appreciation.
  37. Leave friendly gratitude remarks on your daily journey and you will see the results growing in height and numbers.
  38. Consider that you can learn from every individual you meet and work with. Consider them your teachers and with respect, they will teach you something of value. Consider them superior and treat them as superiors.
  39. Honest and sincere appreciation is the key above all.
  40. If you offer coffee and a bagel to a fish when you are gone fishing, (this is what you may like), what you think the fish will do? Is she going to get to the hook and be caught? No, she likes worms, grasshoppers, and stuff they like. Should not you use the same sense when dealing with people?
  41. The only way to influence people is what they want and shows them how to get it.
  42. You are interested in what you want, no one else is. When seeking people look for what their wants are?
  43. Even animals will refuse to obey and offer what we want unless they see they are getting what they want.
  44. Arouse in the other person an eager want, if you can do this you have mastered the art of influencing and making people give you what you have been looking for. If you cannot do this, then the lonely road of failure and unhappiness is made for you to walk on it.
  45. Arousing enthusiasm in children. Imagine what fun would be available in school, finger painting, making friends, drawing, and so on. Therefore, you start this exercise at the house and tell the child that he has to learn to do it. How? By attending school, he will be willing to go very eagerly.
  46. If you want someone to do something, ask yourself how I can arouse enthusiasm in him to make him do what I want out of it.
  47. Make up a list of advantages and disadvantages and let the other person see in a particular situation, what is the loss of losing your relationship, and what they will gain by keeping you there.
  48. Thousands of people are pounding the streets in search of what they want, but companies are seeking what they want. Let us figure it out for them how to get them offering what companies want.
  49. Greet people in the organization as you walk in. No matter it may be the bellhop, clerk, driver, and even the janitor.
  50. Send thanking note with handwritten signatures and asking those questions, it will be answered.
  51. A king or man at the door both wants admiration and praise.
  52. Ask each person in your circle or future circle that the day when they were born did make an impact in their character. When the date it told, write it down and then transfer it to a diary of birthdays of people. This way you will remember and send them a birthday gift or a card and you may be surprised that you will be the only person remembering and sending the note to them.
  53. When picking up a call, use the tone of voice so greeting and inviting that the person may remember it. Many companies use this technique to their callers and front desk people. What it means is a business increment.
  54. Smile strategy, the airlines use sticks in the mouth of their air stewards to teach them to smile all the time, no matter how hard the situation may be. Use this technique.
  55. When meeting people, remember to listen and jot down and interest they talk about in a matter of their life. It may be their wife, child’s interest, cat or dog issue, house, painting, a traveled location, God, and anything else. Follow-up should be done in that direction and you have the business with that individual.
  56. If there, is someone or a company being hated by the people and employees? You reach out and ask them to help you to give you the facts, which make them the best, and the people may not know those facts. Ask them a few minutes and this will turn into an interview of good relations for the years to come. Remember someone being hated would be the good person to start with.
  57. Remember we are interested in others when they are interested in us.
  58. If someone is sad, lonely, and crying, walk up to them and find out to help them. This will never be forgotten, especially on some important occasions.
  59. The expression on your face is more important then what you wear on your back.
  60. Remember the smile effect. Find out how you can make a smiling face. It would be worth a million dollars.
  61. Being in a room full of people, smile, and start a genuinely interesting conversation, it will relieve you from boredom.
  62. People who have smiles on their faces tend to sell, manage, and teach more effectively. Smiling faces raise happy children.
  63. When talking on the phone, your smile comes through your voice.
  64. Phone power is selling with smiles through your phone.
  65. People rarely succeeded in anything unless they have genuine fun doing it. If you like what you are doing, it will be seen through your actions.
  66. People will have a good time meeting you if you have a good time meeting people.
  67. Greet your family members with a smile and good morning at each start of the day. It will bring happiness and fantastic feelings in your home.
  68. When people come to you with grievances, smile, and listen attentively, it will be easy to resolve the matters.
  69. Eliminate criticism from your vocabulary and instead use praise and compliments. It will make you shine.
  70. Hum or whistle when alone and make a smiling face. It will slowly return you to a happy and smiling person. Remember actions and feelings go together.
  71. If happiness is lost, sit up and try to be happy, it will soon return.
  72. Happiness is not external. It is internal. Remember try to be a person of calmness and happiness. It will have lasting rewards.
  73. Have you ever seen two people doing the same work but one happy and the other upset and sad? It is the job of how they condition it to their minds. Remember conditioning of the mind.
  74. Have you ever met a disabled person happy and going on with life? Remember, it is how you condition the mind.
  75. People will not come to you. You need to go to them with a smile and greeting of friendly words. This way your life will be filled with joy and success.
  76. Greeks said it centuries ago. “a man without a smile should not open a shop”.
  77. When addressing people, call them by their names. People have flattery with their names. Remember to remember people’s names. If you think, it is not important then try calling someone with a wrong name or misspell his or her name.
  78. Make an effort to learn people’s foreign names and call them by their native names. The results will be magical.
  79. The bigger the corporation gets, the colder it becomes, and one way to keep it warm is to remember people’s names.
  80. If you are a salesperson, remember your customer’s names and your business will quadruple.
  81. Do not make excuses for remembering people’s names. Make it a habit and you will see the benefits of an increase in your wealth. Yes, wealth.
  82. When receiving a gift take notice of each and every detail and admire it.
  83. When on a trip make sure to thanks and admire every person who had made some effort keeping you comfortable and in good spirits.
  84. Salespersons would know to remember the names of their customer is cusses and forgetting that is the end of the business and failure.
  85. If you do not get the person’s name by asking, ask again that they may repeat it. If it is a strange or foreign name, ask them to spell it for you.
  86. When alone, take a piece of paper, write the name on it, concentrate on it, and then you may tear it down and let the physical effect have it embedded in your mind.
  87. Remember, good manners are made up of petty sacrifices.
  88. Remember the name sets the person apart; make him/ her feel as unique and individual as one is. It will have a magic effect upon them. Now an exercise and remember when someone made a compliment and you may remember it after many years.
  89. Big conversationalist. Remember to ask people about their adventures and you will come to learn that they will talk for hours about boosting their ego and telling you how they have been fortunate and big adventurists.
  90. In a conversation, be a good listener, let the other person tell you all about it. In the end, you will be remembered as a good conversationalist.
  91. Give compliments while listening, and you will be praised.
  92. You can spend millions in setting up the business and do a million-dollar advertisement, etc. but if your clerks are not good listeners, and they interrupt and do not listen, all they do is drive the business out.
  93. When your children want to talk to you, stop whatever you are doing and listen attentively.
  94. Have you ever met a complaining customer, who would fight, curse, and tear down the windows and throw stuff? He just wants an active listener, who could make him feel important and make him feel wanted, loved, and cared for. Imagine this work can make all the lawsuits and threats go way with just one act of compassion and acts of active and attentively listening.
  95. An irritated customer, a president, or someone going through hell in life may just want a good listener whom they could unburden their weight. They may not want advice but some good listener whom they could tell how they are justifying what they are doing. So remember when you meet an irritated person or someone who just wants a good ear. It is called active listening.
  96. Be an active listener. Make sure your gestures and all actions are pointing to the silence and attention the other deserves. Just be gentle, and put your hands in your laps and sit attentively and listen without interrupting. Let them finish and unload themselves.
  97. When listening, encourage others to talk about themselves.
  98. The royal road to a person’s heart is to talk about the topic of their interest. Make a habit of reading about the topic or the subject of interest to the person you are meeting the next day. Spend time in gathering the topic of interest and learn from people what they like and read much you can that you may be able to ask interesting and penetrating questions to increase the interest of the other person while meeting in conversing with you.
  99. In human relations, you need to learn what causes other personal interest, and what makes him enthusiastic and learn about it. Your success with this person will make history.
  100. When communicating talk in terms of another person’s interests. Tell that individual how you can help him become a larger figure in life, which is to let them fulfill their dreams.
  101. If you praise some stranger, it is a good that you have done to purify your soul, spread happiness, and shun the bad manners. It is that priceless gift of goodness, kindness, and true appreciation. It will surely go down making you even a bigger human being, a person deserving the better and higher position in the universe. Do not always think selfishly, sharing, and distributing good the reward is with God himself and not the people.
  102. Be genuine in your appreciation, fast, and uncanny in praising and admiring others.
  103. If a waiter or someone brings a wrong order, instead of chastising them, tell them with the respect that it is great that they brought the order it has been but you with respect prefer the other item. Tell them if it was not too bothersome for him/ her and if they change it. It will work magic.
  104. Wanting something big in life. Reach out to famous achievers by writing a personal letter to them telling them how they have made the greatest contributions to society and changed history. Well, it will bring the glory you are seeking from the heavens with gratitude from that individual. Remember everyone is important in his or her own eyes.
  105. Each person you meet is equally important. Make a sign and hang it at the front of your classroom door or in your office facing the customer. Let them know that they are unique and important and worthy of the respect they are receiving.
  106. Every person you meet is superior because you can learn something from him or her.
  107. Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.
  108. You cannot win an argument. Let the man save his face. Do you think proving a man wrong will make him like you? It will never happen that you win the argument and hope to win the battle of honor and grace.
  109. Avoid the argument and you should escape and avoid accidents and bad-mannered animals.
  110. If you win an argument you lose it, even if you win still you lose it.
  111. A man convinced against his will is the same as his opinion still.
  112. Avoid verbal fights. A homeless man can fight it better than you can. Therefore, if a fool can win it, then how and where do you see yourself? It hurts your pride but you keep the eyes on the prize and not the moment.
  113. Keeping your mouth shut pays. Remember to make the one agree on what they are saying. That ends the argument.
  114. Personal example. One day I was coming off the Brooklyn Bridge into Manhattan. Suddenly a BMW SUV came shooting running and blowing the horn. I made the mistake of turning in front of him, this was it. It made the individual mad at the point of being orange and then red. At the next light, he stopped behind me and came running banging on my door. Threatening me to get out and have a dual with him. I lowered my window, politely said, Gentleman, I am very sorry, and apologize for the non-professional behavior I did by pulling in front of you. I am terribly sorry because I did not realize you were in that lane with a fine car. He screamed, you almost hit my car (it was not possible while I was in the front and he would have hit my car). However, by hearing these kind words, he became speechless and was stunned for a moment. He did not utter a single word, returned to his car, and walked away. Now you see how one can make a deadly situation turn into a graceful ending by intelligence and smartness. If I did not give a hoot about him and had told him, you can imagine the situation ending in a beating and maybe in the shooting because he was ready to kill. Now let us see the situation from his point of view. He was suffering from an inferiority complex. To remove this complex he went a bought him an imported BMW worth of a 100k. He thought it would earn him the respect but when I violated that thought, he became furious thinking that 6how could a person in a Camry (cheap car) could have the nerves to cut his path. When I nurtured his ego, he turned away because he was not mad at me cutting his path but he was angry about not respecting him.
  115. Learn that “be wiser than other people but do not tell them so.
  116. Socrates in Athens thousands of years ago told his disciples “Only thing I know is that I know nothing”. Now when it comes to showing off, back out.
  117. You can say instead, There is a chance that I may be wrong, let us examine the facts and details again, maybe we find the error and erroneous thoughts, etc.
  118. A state like this, that we have made (our company has made so many mistakes and errors in business transactions, I am ashamed of these mistakes. Let me reexamine to hear from you where and what we have done wrong. In this situation, you are asking the customer to release his/ her feelings. When the internal pressure is released, then people are more reasonable and understanding.
  119. Now imagine telling people they are wrong, especially the learned and experienced people. What will happen, do you believe they will start following your religion, your favorite movie star, your liking of food, your style of haircut, start shopping at your favorite store, start sending their kids to your favorite private school, of course not. They have their minds and no authority in the world can tell them otherwise until unless they come to the realization of their fault or falsehood. So, you do not argue to make it win the battle rather show them the evidence and let them see it from their own eyes. This is the only way. In addition, the only way.
  120. The word “my” mine” is very important in the human vocabulary. No one wants to give up their own opinions and belief unless it is voluntary and is convincing to the heart. No pressure in the world can make a man change his thinking. People will die for their beliefs and thoughts but will not give up unless they are convinced otherwise.
  121. We will also have a million arguments to justify our thinking and telling the details of our failures, without admitting that we were wrong.
  122. We pass judgments fast, when we hear a statement; we judge and classify it, nice, bad, stupid, wrong, false, hilarious without thinking or evaluating it from the other person’s point of view. Just imagine people doing things in Timbuktu may seem ridiculous to you and me but when you go and live with them for a while, those strange habits and things will start making sense to you. So, do not label or argue just try to understand.
  123. Have you ever had an experience of displaying one product you purchased to a friend, and telling them a lower price and see their examination and comments? Then try to boast that you really got a good deal. Then try the same with a different friend and tell them you paid too much and try to see their reaction. Each time you would need a different argument to boast or defend yourself. See some will admire your choice and some will feel sorry for your poor decisions. This is how the argument should be seen with different people when they start speaking; imagine their state of mind and then answer.
  124. Therefore, we learn when we are wrong we admit to ourselves in seclusion. However, if we are dealt with gentle and wise terms, we will admit it to the world as well.
  125. No ridicule, insult, or disagreement can make a man change his belief.
  126. If someone criticizes you, try to examine his argument and try to evaluate each word and phrase that you may learn something of self-evaluation and change your ways towards a better way of dealing with people.
  127. Change your vocabulary and use words instead of certainty to obviously, I conceive, etc.
  128. You need to be big and wise enough to understand and rebuke the criticism in the applied terms in your personality instead of rebuking them in words and negative actions against the one/ those who are criticizing you.
  129. Son, you start to hear and listen, you will know that a certain part of their opinion is true. Now the whole may not be the truth but certain parts you will agree upon being truthful and honest. Once Aristotle was asked how he became so smart. He responded, “By observing and listening to the common people”. The questioner asked, do the common people have wisdom? Aristotle responded, yes, of course, their talks are common and ordinary but there are hidden gems in them. All I do is collect and pick these gems out of their common and ordinary talks. This way I have been able to collect a large amount of wisdom to share. So, be clever and have an ear to listen for the sake of listening and analysis. However, you may remember when people talk to us, most of us are absent-minded and wandering our thoughts somewhere else. Then we go and come back while the other person is continuously talking and giving us their side of the information. We could care more when we are able to hear and listen attentively.
  130. You do not tell the person right up front that they are wrong. Let them examine their system, then with each analysis of the items, suggest low-key changes, and let them have the system developed by them. When they will follow your suggestions, they will develop your system by themselves. Your focus should be on the implementation of solutions and not having the nametag of yours on it.
  131. What is being diplomatic? You will apply the diplomacy in your life. How to let us examine. You will not argue with your customers, your spouse, children, adversaries, and friends. You will use a special sense of keeping the focus on your goal. Your goal is not to win the argument rather it is to win their hearts. Example of a friend visiting you on a weekend. You were bored and wanted to play a game of tennis in the backyard. What good it is to make a matter of life and death to win from the friend. Your objective was to have some nice friendly time shared with a friend. As long as you enjoyed the game and the time spent, winning, or losing should not be a matter of concern at all.
  132. Show respect for another person’s opinions and points of view. Do not ever utter that they are wrong.
  133. If an argument is going out of control, self-condemn yourself and it will be fixed. I was renting a room in the Bronx from a friend’s daughter during the COVID 19. I was paying $150 per week. I always paid in advance. There was no bathroom to take shower for days because there was only one shower in the house and when it was rented out via room share, we would have to stay without any bath. We had no shower. However, when I moved out, the woman called me to ask for the rent. I paid for one week and told her I was going to be out for a month. She was pushing for the rent in disregard to whether I was there or not. She blamed me for taking advantage of her. She called me all of the names of a cheapskate in the dictionary. I self condemn myself and told her it was I who was meek and week. She accepted my self-condemnation and cooled off thanking me of understanding and telling me that she was financially stressed and needed money badly that is why she was screaming and threatening. We shook hands with goodwill and parted. See the power of self-condemnation.
  134. Self-condemnation is the rule to get off from the guillotine and the hanging rope.
  135. You need to build the courage to admit your errors, not from your eyes but from the eyes of others.
  136. Accept your faults and the universe will have more respect for you.
  137. It may be against your customs social strata to admit your fault but remember you alone are the master of your fate. You should not be pressured of the social and cultural biases rather what is right and how it is correctly applied should be the solution.
  138. When you have a hot temper and want to unload on someone, think again whether they will have a good time of being trash unloaded upon them. If it were you then what would be the case.
  139. When having a dialogue with people who are enemies be the person of friendly nature, be genuine in the interest of them and you see the result will be different.
  140. The old saying is that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of bug killer.
  141. Tell the opponent that you are his friend. I remember when I was a teenager. My mother would have an argument with the neighbor’s wives. I would walk up to them and tell in a friendly tone that it was a minor issue and all is okay in a friendly tone. These neighbors’ women would listen to my smile and would walk away. This earned me the name of a neighborhood negotiator. No matter how though the discourse my arrival would resolve it peacefully.
  142. During a strike, Mr. Black the mill owner made friendly gestures towards strikers. He brought in baseball bats and ball for them to play while being idle and bought a membership to the bowling alley to the bowl while they were idle. It rewarded in the honorable settlement in a week and there was no bloodshed or ill feeling whatsoever. Even those picketing laborers pocked up the trash around the factory while they were battling against the factory owners.
  143. You may want your rent reduced, or want a raise or had a lost assignment, remember these friendly gestures and you should get the results in your favor.
  144. A friendly, sympathetic, genuine, and appreciative approach, which will win the hearts of the people.
  145. If a man with a camera approaches, then you need to explain it to him the situation and they will appreciate it rather than taking it against you.
  146. When going for negotiation rather socialize ask questions about his family and vacation hobbies and then walk away by mentioning it little the issue you are dealing with. They will catch it up and fix the issue without the big fuss and denial.
  147. Do you remember the fable of the argument between the sun and the wind? Both arguing to get the old man take his coat off in the open wilds. Guess who did win? The wind tried to pressure but the man clung to his coat more sternly and when the son showed the warmth, the man took off his coat. Remember the warmth works better than the pressure.
  148. If you are dealing with someone difficult, explain to them you have been driven by the recommendations of other friends who have done business with him or her. In addition, ask in a friendly tone the problem needed fixing.
  149. Start in a friendly and appreciating way.
  150. When discussing with people first talk of similarities and not differences and try to tell them that the method may be different but the end is the same we all are seeking. The results are what we are concerned about and not the method to arrive at these results.
  151. Make sure to have yes and agreed terms discussed. When someone says no, remember it may be ill-advised but they will have their pride attached to it. Changing no to a yes would be very difficult.
  152. A No in reality is virtual withdrawal, which proceeds to physical withdrawal.
  153. You may have experienced a no by someone in your family, customer, employee, etc. and remember how difficult it is to get them to change into yes.
  154. If you need compliance in a legal situation, inform the person the benefits of the information being disclosed, in the event of an emergency, etc. and they will cooperate with you all the way to the minuscule details.
  155. When someone blaming you of the wrongs. Walk up, suggest an evaluation of the environment, taking inventory of the people skills, the expertise of their employees, temperature, working conditions, and then empathetically give them analysis on how it can be improved. Do not just rush in and try to argue saying, they are wrong and you are right. Check industry standards as well to cover solutions.
  156. Make up a list of benefits and items where your opponent can agree and would utter yes, yes. Score yes after yes until you come to an evident conclusion that the other party has to agree upon otherwise the whole course would turn against him/ her. Remember this is called the Socrates method. Again the Socrates method.
  157. Chinese say it wisely, “he who treats softly goes far”.
  158. When a complainant arrives, let them explain fully until they are completely drained and there is nothing else to say. If you crave for interrupting, do not do it. It can be very dangerous. Silently and emphatically, listen to all they have to say when they are done then try the soft approach of explaining to them what was the case and how it was needed to be solved by a friendly and soft tone. Never try to show company policy cards and rules.
  159. Try this, you have lost your speech and cannot talk. Let us see how it can be handled without saying a word and just by showing alone.
  160. It pays richly to let the other person do the talking. You may be on the wrong idea of presentation but when the others speak, you will get the idea of what they have wanted. Remember what they have wanted and not you.
  161. Uncooperative children, let them talk and do not be bossy. Be a friendly person and they will return as cooperative and friendly. Children do not like bossy parents and will become hostile if threatened and pushed to do what they do not like doing.
  162. If going for an interview read about the company and its early struggles, and the founders who have started it and how it is being controlled now. Sharing this will help you secure the position of your interest.
  163. Remember the old French saying, if you want enemies, compete and excel your friends and if you want friends then let them outshine you.
  164. Let your friends and coworkers boast themselves, you only tell them about you when asked.
  165. Let the other person do the talking and you be the listener. It will sure score your victory upon victory.
  166. Make your opinions as suggestions and let the other person make up what they wanted out of it. Do not thrust down the throat of others what you think is right.
  167. Get the discouraged employees in a classroom and ask them what they expect from the company and you as the manager and the boss. Write it down on the board one by one. Then ask them what they will give in return if the company was to give all of it to them. Make a list and it will create new enthusiasm and team spirit. This is called a moral bargain, as long as you live to your part, they will live up to theirs. Simple technique. Consulting them is necessary to hear what they want for added cooperation.
  168. No one likes to be sold anything. We buy only what we want need and wish. We may find interesting and helpful some consultation and clarity but not pushy sales.
  169. When you are selling and wanted their approval, and they are refusing. Listen to this advice on what I learned during my Doctoral Ph.D. years. It was the third year when I have completed all of my course work and now it was the time to have the dissertation and research proposal approved. For over nine months, I prepared and developed countless proposals and completed all the work but when I took it to my advisor, she refused and said no it is wrong. After such rejections, I was heartbroken and wanted to quit the doctoral degree dream. However, heartbroken I was walking one evening when in the darkest side of the building I saw someone standing and smoking. I came close and saw it was the Dean Dr. Anthony Woods. He asked me how was my study plan going and I was in tears telling him that I was going to quit because I was not able to come up with a research proposal. He listened and advised me, “Stop doing what you are doing. By tomorrow go and ask the advisor supervisor, what does she want? Take note and develop exactly what she is looking for. Do not ever deviate an inch from her instructions. I did the same, within a week my proposal was accepted, and within one year, I defended my defense with excellence. See how I saved my career and future after learning to do what she wanted now I wanted.
  170. This type of work helps in business, politics, and family and everyplace without a miss.
  171. Before selling, ask the buyer to inspect the product and give you their opinion of the product by experiencing and telling us how to improve and make it work for your company as a perfect machine for your profession. Remember you are asking them to experiment and show you what they think of the product instead of telling them the features your machine has. It is not the machine but the person charged affair needing to boost his ego that he feels important and buys your product.
  172. Remember in works of genius you will find rejected ideas and thoughts, which someone took the time to perfect and make it work.
  173. The best way to get the approval of your ideas is to plant the idea casually into the mind of the other. Let them think it as their own and they will follow it by claiming the ownership of it. See all you want is getting done what you want but when they adopt is as their own there is no way that it will not be approved and applied.
  174. Do not boast for the credit and remember you want results and not the credit. The famous speech of john f. Kennedy, ask now what your country can do for you> was asked by the Ted Sorensen a lawyer, who came up with this line, he gave credit publically to the president. He was questioned in a public gathering, and he played it off by saying, ask now, ask not…
  175. Another technique of approval from others. Nowadays there are reviews and people writing about the service. Send them a link of those in their own vicinity with the contact numbers and they can call to verify their experience with you and they will be convinced by this technique.
  176. Let others have the credit for the idea of theirs. You keep the results in your favor and let the others keep the credit.
  177. What can work to your advantage?
  178. When seeing people as they act, try to put yourself in their place and see how you will act if in the same condition, place, skin color, educational background, economics, and host of other factors. You will save a lot of energy and effort in keeping you focused instead of fighting many unnecessary wars.
  179. Just stop a minute and think about your interests and what would you like to do or achieve? Similarly, every human being has the same interest and similar zeal and zest of how they feel about getting or achieving it.
  180. Think about this, when you see people doing something repeatedly, don’t call or label it foolish, balance it with a compliment, you see it may be that they are interested in the task and that is their fun time spent and enjoyment by doing that particular task. Do not criticize learn what it is that makes them do it regularly.
  181. Getting cooperation could not be easier by showing interest in other’s ideas and trying to learn that particular trade from their point of view. It generates great feelings of togetherness and cooperation.
  182. Tell others in a friendly tone what can go wrong with their actions and acting carelessly, this creates goodwill and obedience is quiet easier for everyone. Otherwise, resentment will overtake and they obliged party will turn into opponents.
  183. When behind in payments, first apologize and tell them that you have no intention of becoming a troublesome customer. Then tell them what is possible that you can do to fix the problem. Remember even it is partial payment or partial cooperation. They will be happy to give you some options. Never get mad and start verbal fights and threats. It will only worsen the situation.
  184. Let get to the interview hour or earlier, sit, and contemplate the idea of what do they want and what is that they were going to ask. This way you can build up some answers instead of being empty when being asked questions. I will tell you how I lost one of the international contracts with a big firm in Manhattan. I was called for an interview and started to boast on how I had managed elephants in Africa and had saved a company several million dollars. The company president ridiculed me by stating, “So you know your job very well”. I at the moment not knowing took that ridicule as a compliment and then the president denied the offer, then I realized that basting was a mistake I should have listened and answered categorically to the point instead of telling tales of Tarzan and my meetings in African jungles.
  185. Tell people that you do not give any importance or blame on to someone because if you were in their shoes, you would do the same as what they were doing. You think wars are wrong but if you were the president of the country, would not you do to maintain and save the interests of the people and the nation. Therefore, you would do exactly what is good as a common interest and the common good. This way you see the world through authority and power.
  186. Remember people are born with deformities and deform brain. You are not. Therefore, don’t you be patient and pleasant with them because they are born as they are and you are born as you are.
  187. A majority of people you meet are looking for sympathy and a listening ear. Give it to them and they will be happy. You will make their day.
  188. What about receiving an insult from someone in writing and or verbal. It would be fitting to respond in a similar manner but any fooled could do that and the most fool does that. You should have courtesy and courage of a real gentleman and courtesy of a greater human to let it go and forgive them of being more ignorant than you of making the mistake and being chastised,
  189. If someone had insulted you, write to him or her a note of thanking them that they have pointed out a blunders error in you. Thanks, them for their courtesy of taking the time out to write. Tell them you were appreciating their letter and think it was necessary to correct my errors and blunders.
  190. Had you ever heard the story of a father who let the dentist hurt his son? The son was sick and needed surgery of the ear. As the doctor approached, the son jumped and parents came to the rescue. The doctor told the father if you can hold the child and let me pull that infection out of the ear of the child, if you do not let me hurt your son little now, it could be a bigger problem requiring surgery that is more complicated. The father knowing these facts let the doctor hurt the child a bit.
  191. Getting cooperation is another example. Tell the person that this sacrifice or hurt will pay off in a big way later. Therefore, they are willing to go for it even it costs something now they are still willing to do it.
  192. People want sympathy. More sympathy and as children may put a cut or bruise to get sympathy elders to do it by showing their weakness, their misfortunes, and a host of other things which had happened to them. Even marrying a wrong person would be needing sympathy. Remember it is a universal phenomenon and people love it.
  193. Therefore, you will be sympathetic to other people in their life and their misfortunes as well as failures.
  194. People have two motives for doing anything. One real one and the other nobler one. When you want them to change, appeal upon their nobler motives and they will follow.
  195. Appeal to nobler motives, please do not print that picture of me, my mother does not like it.
  196. Against popular belief consider every person and customer is honest, decent, and sincere. They know more about their cars, homes, and products than anyone else does. So if they are refusing the bill payment
  197. Appeal to people’s nobler side and they will consider.
  198. The dramatization of the matter towards your advantage
  199. Selling gold coin- pitch and coins to show- chocolate in the middle story
  200. Every time you are checking out a customer, you are throwing 30 cents to the floor. Have thirty cents thrown to the floor?
  201. Every time you talk smart to someone boasting and nurturing your ego, you are virtually throwing away month worth salary outside the window.
  202. Every time you nag, complain, and think negatively you are throwing away happiness, good relations, and sound health outside the window.
  203. Every time you become lazy you are throwing away the opportunity to excel outside the window.
  204. Have you ever seen someone proposing and going on their knees? Dramatization
  205. Created a train behind the tricycle to pick up toys that way they cleaned their rooms
  206. Someone does not want to see you. Well, send them this note with a self-addressed envelope and ask the secretary or the boss himself to mail it back to you.
  207. One sales clerk wanted to sell cold creams. He bought all the cold creams available in the market and wrote a label of the investigation of results and benefits he found about that product. The next time, he walked into the office and dumped all the bottles of the cream on his desk telling him this is what is available in the market. Then he was picking each and reading, soon the conversation started and they got the point across the table. Dramatize the situation and you will get the results.
  208. What if nothing works then what should you do?
  209. Want to get things done, stimulate the competition. Offer rewards for better and improved performance. Something of value the person could use, not tuition reimbursements, vacations to Hawaii, a voucher for grandchildren, and something of not valuable to the immediate use.
  210. Brave men put down their fears and go down to victory sometimes facing annihilation. However, the goals should relate to victory and not the fear of casting shadows.
  211. Throw a challenge- only the big men and men with guts could do it. Rest it is not their game. Similar propositions would make it happen.
  212. Being part of the big game, life changer, grand challenge, the best will be here-rest will go all are the themes of the challenge
  213. The most stimulating factor is the work itself, interesting, and making one believe to be in it for greater causes. The work itself should be stimulating and nothing else.
  214. If you ever criticize, make a point to praise first, a comment or a compliment. Then it will not be too offensive.
  215. Before you cause the pain, give them the pain killer medicine that they may be easy on it.
  216. If someone is found breaking a rule, do not get upset find a way to stimulate the person, and give him or her some value in exchange for not doing it in the future.
  217. If employees are ignoring and busy talking, just walk in and do the work yourself and let them complete the wrapping or bagging. This will fix the issue forever.
  218. Remember the three-letter word, BUT. Whatever is said before the but is useless. Because but places the rules to be overruled.
  219. Replace the but with AND and you see things will change dramatically. Disability will turn into ability and people will love it by utilizing it.
  220. Pick up after the workers have left, pile it up to the side, and then the next day let them know that you are pleased with the way they left the clean place yesterday. They will not do it again.
  221. Tell your team how leaders should live and work living by example. Tell them leader’s uniforms and regulations and ask them they should see themselves in the mirror and see if they were leaders and or needed to transform.
  222. Someone sent a story to a newspaper to publish. They sent a note with it that it would make a great gift of being framed and hanged on the wall.
  223. Do not criticize directly and make sure it is done in a hidden message way that people should not get offended.
  224. Give examples of your own mistakes and how not doing so has saved your career, life, and repute.
  225. Have problems using writing. Use punctuation and check all the options in the word processing software. Use synonyms and make sure you understand each word’s meaning before using it.
  226. If you are talking to authority, speak your shortcomings and your humbleness and then praise the authority in whatever they have been doing in excellence terms.
  227. Taking orders-Does, anyone likes it.
  228. Do not give direct orders, say the words, do you think this will work, I suggest this, and this could be a way of doing it. Someone I saw doing it this way, this is how they describe it in the manual, etc. indirect orders are the way to go.
  229. In a situation of no fix, walk up to the people and ask them their suggestions. Soon you will have if nothing else the cooperation and can-do attitude of getting it done
  230. If you want to fire, someone let not have the face-saving first. Remember develop a strategy that the person should not be offended and or shocked.
  231. Give the letters of appreciation and tell them how magnificent of an employee they have
  232. been
  233. It is costly to recruit new people. If employees make mistakes let them save face and try to work with them in a positive attitude. They will make sure that you stay successful and have a bright future. Remember the team effect. Teams win and individuals do not win alone.
  234. When an employee does well. Recognize them with certificates and verbal appreciation, bonuses, and much more.
  235. Praise is life nurturing and makes people work diligently.
  236. When a person is making an attempt give them a hand and praise that they can do it. Children and big children especially are the ones needing such praise. If you have had bad relations with your kids, this is the time to make it up with praise and appreciation. It may take a long time but eventually, they will realize your good efforts.
  237. Charles Dickens the great English writer was refused story after story but at last, one editor accepted him. Now we know who Charles Dickens is.
  238. H.G. Wells a great writer and novel writer was poor and working as slave labor in a store for fourteen hours a day. He wrote to his schoolteacher and told him he would kill himself. He gave him praise and offered him a job as a schoolteacher. This boy picked himself up and
  239. rest we know he made more than a million-dollar with a big pen.
  240. Yelling at children and they doing worst each time. Not new, try praise and find something to compliment. Stop scolding them.
  241. Find something in the negative work and praise that part.
  242. Everyone craves recognition and praise and they will do whatever to get it.
  243. When shaggy work is performed, call the worker and have a sincere talk with them.
  244. Average people can become leaders if they have your appreciation and goodwill with them.
  245. Transform simpler workers with praise.
  246. When you give a person a bad name, he will live up to it. Similarly, with a good name, the same will happen.
  247. Tell the class how you managed a third-grader girl in Houston school, who was labeled as a troubled girl. How in three days her life was changed.
  248. Minimize the errors and praise what is correct being done. Make sure that corrections are easy to be done.
  249. Encourage and give them hope.
  250. Inspire people with courage and faith.
  251. Give trophies, certificates, and honor shields as tools of recognition and encouragement.
  252. If you want to come home and your bed is made. Remember to make it when you leave in the morning.
  253. Luqman a wise man of ancient Syria was asked how to make friends out of the enemies. He responded by love. The man asked again if it does not work, the Wise Luqman replied to increase the dose.